Knew Me? Monologue

Everybody assumes they knew me but they realized the thimnest of the layer. This new me is not afraid of the ridicule and judgment, opinions and suggestions on how to live my life. What people once knew of me is no longer in comparison with the new me. I left myself to crash and burn, die in the ruins of a different boy, every month, a dark place, confined space, I escaped my own prison. I’ve been living free. I burned the letters, poems, drawings, trashed the gifts, reminders and memories I once held onto. I once knew myself but found out so much more when I became the new me. I left my past with the dirty deeds I did for those who disrespected my body and cheered on the disgrace I was bringing upon myself. I understand, to them I was an easy blow job, a simple hit it and quit it, though I chose to never speak of my past and before I was able to identify the new me I was well aware that the old me was unable to let the past empower me. Now, a sit back and relax, knowing the new me has no reference,  similarity, desire, or regret of what happened. What the old me taught the new me, easy doesn’t get you far in life, only to the emergency room where doctors are unable to diagnose the cause of the pain. So to know me, you would have to been there, every second of every minute of every day, month after month and year after year to say the new me if only an edited verison of what you once knew. In reality, if you truly knew me, the new me is more vibrant, healthy, spiritually matured, deleted the flith, erased the past and let the days of the present enjoy who I am now and the days to come enjoy who I will become. Pick your story, whether you knew me then or were able to meet the new me, my progress does not end here, I am forever loved and blessed tho whom I shall always remain faithful.

From Yesterday Passed Tomorrow

The hardest challenge we will face today is whether to leave behind yesterday and move forward for tomorrow. Many find the challenge easy to complete without taking precautions to the damage it will create. Life indeed is nowhere near perfection because perfection leads to assumptions and judgments whether or not the flaws do exist and if they are hidden beyond recognition. But today, we stop and wonder what if, what could have been, what I should have done differently, speaking in the past tense with words that may no longer change the past but better our future. Today, the oldest of chapters are left behind because the greatest of chapters are yet to be written, where editing is not accepted and moments will take your breath away or shit in your face.

In reality, the past is never left behind. It’s engraved so vividly in our minds that one sudden word, slightest of action will trigger the past and conflict with the present and disrupt the future. But we strive for perfection we cannot accomplish, manufacture lies until the truth erupts and hide behind what we think we know without exploring what is better to know then remain safe from harm’s way. The past may not be our strongest point and the present is our attempt to clean up a bad start but the future holds nothing but possibilities, no second chances, no failed twice and never again, life is trial and error. Try it once and change what didn’t work so that what occurred in the past does not reoccur in the future.

The world is not a safe ground, our mind, body, and soul is until we, ourselves poison it with the ideas running wild in our imagination, the distractions surrounding off, the fears of succeeding but knowledge of failure. We are our minds worse enemy, the past influences our actions, the present contributes to the trials and tribulations we have overcome and the future, if chosen wisely will overshadow the failures from yesterday and pass success through every tomorrow.

Live with the voice that has most power over you, God is only right to throw us in the middle of a speed case because the rush will only lead us to realize that the past is pushed aside but the benefits of a better tomorrow, helping us get through a tough today.